i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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