I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
