who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
