I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
