Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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