she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
