You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
