Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
