Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
