So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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