i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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