I looked at my own cervix.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
