i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
