But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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