I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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