My girlfriend figured out who you are.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
