I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
