i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
