So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
