I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
