weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
