Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
