Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
