I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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