Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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