Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
