He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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