his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
