In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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