We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The air was thick with penises
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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