So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
