I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
