What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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