mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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