I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
