A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
