my vag is so smooth its legendary
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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