Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you win again, gameday.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
