You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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