I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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