She is in my trunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
