I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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