I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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