moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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