its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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