The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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