we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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