I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
