And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want a musical about memes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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