I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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