I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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