I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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