Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
