Can i not drive my cunt home
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
