I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
