well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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