We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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