she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
