It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
