I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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