If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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