you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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