Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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