Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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