Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
