Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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