Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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