shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
