respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
